3/3 - It’s never personal

Today, I felt like I had even more clarity that I was making the right decision. It just needed to be done, but there was almost a feeling of being drained and anticipation on what was going to happen.

The one thing I was now sure about is that what’s meant for me will feel effortless, peaceful, and aligned. I’ve just been feeling so drained about this, but I needed to do this. If I want to achieve my goals, that version of me will have many circumstances where she’ll have to say no just because it doesn’t feel aligned, and I need to trust that.

So anyways, after dropping mom off, I came back and slept. And then woke up and took all my meetings, but kept thinking about the whole thing I needed to do tonight, so was still feeling overwhelmed.

After coming home, we had lunch together and then I went on my mental health walk. I just felt super frustrated at feeling so confused these past 2 weeks when I was just living in peace. And also confused about what to do with the whole N situation.

By the time I came home, my mom had already called his mom. She said his mom was sad but also accepted it.

Now, all I needed to do what message him later tonight as well. I decided I was going to draw a bath, and do a bubble bath for the first time to just relax a bit.

Took a snap because again too many feelings.

I ate ice cream, sent him the message, deleted my IG, and just drew my bath.

While I was taking my bath at one point I felt so relaxed but also had to Chat GPT how to release guilt. Nothing was helping. I knew I made the right decision, but I just always felt so bad.

During my bath, I decided to re-download IG and just face it, and that’s when I saw his message saying “I respect your decision, and wish you the best of luck.”

And just like that, poof, the issue was done. It was never personal. It’s like it never happened, and I’m back to my peace.

The funny thing is I literally put this in my healing series, where you need to have the power to say no and take nos. It’s not personal. And literally it was the hardest thing for me to do.

And then it kind of hit me. I said no to this dude just because of my intuition. N said no beacuse of his intuition. It’s that simple. That’s what he felt like he needed to do.

7/10 - It felt like a really hard and draining day, but I did it. And although it’s a little hard to surface right now, I know I’m proud of myself. I just need to be able to do without going through all these rollercoaster of emotions.

Intuition - I feel like I had the answer all along, everyday in my journals. Intuiton.